Wanna hear the wildest stories of building websites in my 12 years of working in the web development indusry?
Here it goes, in no apparent order. Yer gonna love this random selection of actual true stories!
Best questions from clients:
1. Power off
"My computer wont turn on" (flag #1: it starts too innocently).
Me: "Well, is it plugged in?"
"Yes," he says.
To make a long story short, he finally says, "None of the buttons will turn my computer on" and I say "buttons? Is your keyboard in front of you?"
He says "well, yeah, it’s in my hand!", to which I reply "in your hand?”
Him: "well, yeah I am pushing the power button and it won't turn on.”
I ask, "Do you have your TV controller in your hand?" and he says, "Well I, well, umm, and a few more words I could not really hear," and then—click– he hangs up.
2. Random phone call
Client: "Can you help me please!?"
Me: "What is happening?"
Client: "Well um, well, I was on this website and clicked on something and my wife will be home in 5 minutes and if she sees this she will divorce me!"
Me: "Sees what?" I asked.
Client: “Well I clicked on this link and now my pointer is a giant penis and it's spouting, and my icons are all female body parts, and I don't know what to do! She'll be here in 3 minutes now!” He frantically begs for help.
Me: “You have one option! Pull the plug and get the computer out of the house!”
3. Only if I had a time machine
“Can you build my sixty-site Drupal installation and have it ready by Wednesday?” It was Friday.
4. General Conversation with a client
Me: “Hi, How can I help you?”
She says, "Well, I want to hook my webcams up to my website, etc. etc. I live in Colorado and I have some amazing views of the mountains."
I said, "Cool, that's easy to do". This was back in the day where people wanted to know if you actually had an office so I was accustom to saying, “Hey, we have a webcam too, so go to this URL and check us out.” I asked her, “what are you showing with your webcams? Views of the mountains? as she had been talking about them and the amazing views from her place"
She said, "uh well no, I have this S&M thing going on so, well, whips, chains, that kinda thing."
I said, "Oh, sounds like you are into some creative loving!" What else do you say?
"Well, it's creative till they get out of hand and then I just whack them!”
Stay tuned for the continuing saga of Boags life in Web Development!